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Thursday, September 4, 2014

A Confession. A Prayer. A Promise. And A Prayer.

This is going to be another one between me and me.

First, The Confession.

Today is my first day back at school. I'm terrified.
3 subjects. A full schedule.
Then there's business school that I signed up for a couple of weeks ago. I'm ready to commit to my business fully.
Then there's life. My 3 year old fireball of energy who I love with everything that I am. Spending every waking moment with him is a gift, precious gift. Also a lot of work. I wish he could give me some of his energy.
Then there's the weight. As I step up to be the best of me, I must release this weight. I just don't feel good about myself. Period.
Then there's life again. I am a wife and the keeper of our home.

I'm overwhelmed. I'm terrified.

BUT

I know how much time I spend on Facebook. Mindlessly going through the news feed. I know how much time I spend with mindless activity. Mindless eating. Mindless existing.

I confess.

The Prayer.

I know what I am capable of. I know what the best of me looks and feels like! I know I have it in me to do this! And do this brilliantly!

I have been weak and now, I desire to be strong. To take my place.

Be organized.
Schedule my time effectively.
Be brave and courageous.
Wake up early to have time with myself, my source, to exercise and begin the day on a strong note.
All elegantly.

I need Grace. I have been weak. I desire to be strong.

I promise.

To be my best.
No more excuses.
No more reasons why I didn't. Why I couldn't.
No more mindless activity.
Be fully present in all that I do.
Honor myself.
Honor my time.
Make myself proud!

My ideal.

Wake up at 5.....for starters.....to then become 4.
Yoga, Meditation, Prayer, Writing.
My anchor for my day. Grounded.
Check social media as I wait for the Prince to awaken.
When the Prince wakes up, mothering, home keeping.
As he plays, school, work, according to a schedule.
Conscious eating.
Mothering.
Conscious breaks. Chat with my soul sisters.
Mothering.
Rest when I'm tired. A nap. Recharge.
Mothering.
Back to school and to work.
Mothering.
Fully present for my love when he comes back from work.
Some school and work as father and son bond.
Social media before I go to bed. My reward.
In bed by 9.

Is this possible?

I believe it is.

And that's why, again, I say A Prayer.

Please give me strength.
Please give me wisdom.
Please awaken discipline.
Please give me grace.
Please strengthen my resolve.
Please give me MAGIC.
Please grant me favor.
Please fill me with love.

Please help me.

This or something so much greater. For the highest good of ll concerned.

And so it is.

Amen.

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