Thursday, October 29, 2009


I've been trying to think of the next 'organic' move for my blog but it's just not happening. I realise that in order to move forward, I need to look backwards. I really thought this would be a 'fresh start' but, for anyone reading this blog to fully understand me and the direction and purpose of my blog, I need to put in some background, so, I have conceded defeat (to myself), and I will share my past in order to move boldly into the future.

I'll be back......


Sunday, October 25, 2009


I started thinking about blogging in January, set up the page in June and finally, in October, this is my first post. At least I got this done before the end of the year!

What can I say?


I read something by Jean Carbonetti from her book the Tao of Watercolor Painting, and I think that is what is going to help me with my first post.

The original from Jeanne

"When I was a child, I was whole. I simply painted, and I was glad. Later, as life grew more complex, I split into many selves, and I learned to judge them all. Some parts were good, others bad. Some were to be loved, others rejected. I judged my paintings, too, and myself as a painter. I became something else.

But later still, in the quiet of a time when I was too tired to judge and weak enough to listen, I painted again, and then I saw that all the mistakes, failed efforts, and bad paintings had brought me to a new place-the breakthrough painting of my first series. My life changed that day,and I became one self again."

So, inspired by her, this is my version, no plagiarism! Just inspiration!

When I was a child, I was happy and free! I laughed all the time and couldn't stop talking, I was the ultimate chatterbox. I made friends easily. My parents have told me time and time again about the story of my first day at school. Here they were, worried that I was going to cry and cling and all the anxiety of a child's first day at school. Well here's what happened, even before they finished whatever it was they were supposed to be doing, I don't know, paperwork? I had disappeared. They finally found me playing in one of the classrooms ignoring them completely. That was my childhood.

I was happy!

I was confident!

I was free!

Later, as life grew more complex, I split into many many selves and I learned to judge every single one of them! Were any of the parts good? I don't think so. They were all bad, and not good enough, and not pretty enough, and not friendly enough, and not nice enough, and not smart enough and not...................The list is too long. Some were to be loved, ha! But they weren't they were all rejected! And criticized! And mocked! By each other!

Somewhere along the line, I discovered a love, passion and curiosity for fashion, all things design, all things beautiful. This should have been the end of the story, this is where I should have become whole again, but oooooooooh, no! This is the best part! As I continued to judge the several parts of myself, I judged everything I created even more. Even before I could be criticized, I criticized myself. I was a fraud! Who was I fooling! I wasn't a designer! I wasn't an artist!

And so I fled!

I ran for my life!

I ran from my life!

I ran from the many parts of myself, and they ran along with me.

But then, we finally got tired, and so we stopped and we went into a coma like deep depression of fatigue.

Which resulted in rest.

Which turned into healing.

Which turned into the many selves becoming one, like it or not.

Which turned into self acceptance.

Which turned into self discovery.

Which, oh my goodness, turned into a tiny flicker of loving that self just as she was! Wow!

Which turned into, hmm, let me see, putting my brush in some watercolor paint, laying the brush on to paper, not painting anything in particular, just color on paper, and looking at it and saying, hmm, I think this is fabulous!

Which turned into learning new things!

Which turned into sharing new things!

So here I am today, sharing these things, the good, the bad, the ugly, as far as I'm concerned, they're all FABULOUS! With you!