Wednesday, November 25, 2015

A Thanksgiving Love Letter to Me

The very fact that I have come here to write today and that I intend to share (something I haven't done from here in a long time) scares me. I feel my 'crazy' coming on. But I am also in the mood to be brave. Not just for myself. I can feel it.


So much to be grateful for!

Let me begin with Beauty.

Everyday I choose BEAUTY.
I follow mostly 'beautiful' pages on face and I share.
There is beauty all around me. Truly. My home and my studio are well designed. It didn't happen in a day and will continue to be a work in progress, but everywhere I turn I see beauty. And I'm grateful!

Beauty is not perfection.

I was having a conversation with my dear friend. Someone we both follow on Instagram had just had a baby and had posted a beautiful photo of herself and her baby. It was so beautiful. I was happy for her but I also felt a twinge of jealousy. Jealousy because when I had my son, in the middle of overwhelm, confusion and pain, I did not have the presence of mind to pose for a beautiful picture. So, I confessed to my friend and she said, "but don't think her life is perfect"....and I said..."that's my point! Life doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful." my beautiful life, I arrange furniture every day and my fireball energy of a son destroys my arrangements daily! In fact more than 10 times a day. Pillows pulled to the floor, bumping into my chairs when he's running, jumping on the bed I just made. In fact, that when he decides to jump!

I still choose beauty. There are days when I will scream! And there are days that I go through the repetitive motions of fixing the mess....mindlessly. I need Beauty. I choose Beauty.

I am the biggest I have ever been in my life! My tiny waistline and flat abs (regardless of my fact, the bigger my hips and bust are in proportion to my tiny waist and flat tummy the better! After all, I am an African Woman!) are a thing of the past. I can post pictures on facbook from the waist....4 inches above the waist....and you won't know what I'm hiding! You don't know what lies below!

I feel sad. I feel lost. I feel helpless.

But I still choose Beauty.

I wear long flowy dresses almost every day! One design ladies. One design in about 20 different variations! And yes, I designed them very strategically for myself. Tight at the bust so that I don't have to wear a bra but I still get a full lift. Shaped at the high waist and then a gigantic flare/Aline (depending on the fabric) from then on hiding everything I don't want to be reminded of. The perfect and shapely tent. Add jewelry and makeup and I'm a Queen! Add a turban....oh, don't even go there.

It's my armor.
My shield.
My "go to". Has been for the past 4 years.....upon becoming a mother. Even my nightgowns have the same cut.

So, am I delusional when I post Couture on Facebook? Absolutely not! I need to keep my eyes happy and my hopes alive.

I choose Beauty.

Sometimes I dare to do something different....and that something different is only in BLACK! Oh yes! Black! Chic. Monochromatic. No breaks in the body. Black top, black pants. And the I bring out the pearls. It's what I'm actually wearing right now. But beware I catch a side glimpse of myself in the mirror!!!! Back to my designer tent I go!

I choose Beauty.

I was having another conversation with another friend about makeup. She's a designer too. She said she preferred to apply powder to her T-Zone. I said absolutely. I agree. She was expecting a different response, maybe. Because I am a Glamour Girl...(yes I am! Tents and all!). I went on to tell her about my own makeup routine. I don't spend more than 2 minutes on makeup. I can't handle anything longer. I wasn't sure if she believed me.

After my bath. I moisturize (15 seconds). I apply powder with a puff. (30 seconds). If I'm going out and need to feel more glammed up, I'll add foundation. But that's not often. Then I do my eyebrows with a pencil. (maybe 30 seconds or less). I use the same pencil to line my eyes. Then I put on lipstick. Done. I LOVE the idea of spending two hours in the makeup chair! It's the stuff of my dreams! But I wouldn't be able to handle it!

I choose Beauty. My way.